One constant phrase you will hear me say is this: Every person, place, thing, situation/circumstance or substance you encounter, is there for you to remember Who You Are. When you yell, blame, shut down, give in, you lose self-respect/self-love and lose sight of who you are. When your negative thoughts have been triggered, they undermine and override your conscious desire. But not completely. Your True Self is still fully alive because your thoughts are not YOU! So, let’s break this down. How do you remain self-aware and hold on to self-respect/self-love. How do you not get triggered?
EVERY PERSON: Be aware of your words. Hear yourself saying things like: you make me mad, you’re disrespecting me, you are hurting my feelings, you don’t care about me/understand me, you betrayed me or manipulated me. Statements like these indicate co-dependents. You are looking outside yourself to manage things totally ignoring and disrespecting yourself. That hurts so much and makes you helpless and powerless. And you lose sight of your belonging. Projecting it on to someone else is futile. Go inside and figure out the thought that has been triggered. It’s not about them being different, in order for you to be right or matter. You matter because you exist! That’s who you are!
EVERY PLACE: A house you lived in, a trip you went on, the ocean. All this can trigger good or bad memories/thoughts. If you think the ocean makes you happy, it really isn’t the ocean but your thoughts about it. If you fell in the water and about drowned once, that memory could ruin your thoughts about the ocean. Or if your romantic relationship ended abruptly in Costa Rica, you could learn to hate Costa Rica and never go back. Or you hate your home and relocate to a different house and believe me, it’s only a matter of time until you hate that house because you take your silly, negative thoughts with you wherever you go. STOP yourself. This is a place that has triggered a thought you have that gets in the way. You are worthy of having what you want. That’s who you are!
EVERY THING: Traffic, weather, money, political unrest, silence, loss – Nothing outside of you ruins your day, it’s your thought about that thing that makes you the victim. Try setting the intention (and really mean it) before you drive your car, to have smooth sailing and green lights. Or do your affirmations* at the red light instead of disrespecting yourself by blaming traffic/red lights. Or believe you have more than enough time, money. Whatever thing that has triggered a thought, is getting in the way of enjoying your day! You deserve joy in your life! That is who you are!
EVERY SITUATION/CIRCUMSTANCE: You may think you have evidence, that your particular situation/circumstance was brought upon you, but please help yourself by realizing how powerful healthy thought is. You are so powerful, you can create what you deserve by simply changing your thoughts. Your situation/circumstance will automatically change when your thought changes. The power lies within you, NOT from managing what’s outside you. You already have a felt-sense of aliveness. And that is who you are!
SUBSTANCE: And if you practice all that I have mentioned above, you will begin to feel your felt sense of aliveness. Truly experience getting high on YOU! The need for numbing and medicating your pain with substance lessons gradually as you emerge, wholly into fully belonging. And that is who you are! That’s the miracle!
You can go to the section on Handouts on my webpage and find Co-dependency as well as many others. I wish I knew the author of this profound definition of Co-dependency. There are many definitions, but this is the one I practice and suggest. *I also want to ask you how you are using the affirmations you have created? Affirmations help you sustain and fully integrate remembering who you are . . . . that’s belonging! And every one of us belongs here.
I am eager to work with you. I want what you want for yourself. Coming in person, so long as we are healthy, or setting up a Zoom/phone session works as well. I invite you to reach out with questions or to set up an appointment.